I got to learn a couple years ago that "life is a roller coaster" and people can feel like "emotional roller coasters". In fact, planty of times have I felt the same way. But never to this extent. Or maybe I only imagine it to be more intense since for quite a while I classed myself as "depression-free" and happy. 

So the thing is... finals are over!




I'm leaving behind a really tough period of my life. This one and a half month was filled with a lot of negative thoughts including self doubt, panic and fear. And it was mostly my mistake. I didn't take my studies as seriously as I should have. Ever since I started working I surrendered everything to it, not noticing I have blossomed since then* (I guess it doesn't really make sense right now but I will clarify this sentence in another blog post). My schedule was like 2 days off a week, 5 days work. However on those 2 days I had classes. I did not think about you needed energy to go to the classroom and even just sit through 1.5 hour. That's how I started to miss classes more and more... in the end I barely went to school. But since they were lectures only and I had friends who would sign me up on the attendance sheet it was okay. Everything went downhill after the finals begun.

I was late with asking notes, therefore I was late with studying. Also the dates were crashing each other - I had exams following days one another, which is the most horrible thing possible: you prepare for one exam, succeed, but have no energy to prepare for the next one whatsoever because 1) you already studied yo' ass off 2) the joy of passing your previous exam makes you feel like you've done what the world demanded from you (or is it just me?).

So even though I tried, I kept failing my exams and passing just one subject is far from enough. That's how I ended up dragging this whole shit for the whole month of January.

I guess I don't have to tell you, when nothing turns out well, no matter how much effort you put in it, you start to doubt yourself. Why are you like this? Is there anything in your life you have done right? Are you really meant to be in this place? - all these nerve wrecking questions, on top of your basic problems. Lovely, ain't it? :)

I panicked. I have to meet a certain amounts of credits in order to not to drop out of uni, or not to slip to the category where I have to pay (tution -most of the time- is free here). A semester is anything but cheap, plus it's always better to be unemployed with a degree than without it (please don't take this sentence too seriously, but I hope you get what I mean).  

I feared. I was honestly living in the thought I screwed up my whole life. I already treated everything like it was done and sure. I lost the chance of getting a degree, was thinking about "sneaky" ways I could make sure I don't drop out. Remember: when in doubt just read the rules of university/school/whatever you are unsure about. I checked it with my mom a couple days ago and this is not just like you'll suddenly drop out.

In the end my exams turned out semi-fine: there are some that could have been better but all in all my grades are pretty good. I guess this is my rainbow after rain.


My sanity would love to thank to the amazing rays of sunshines who were with me and encouraged me through this incredibly dark month. I'm not lying when I say I'm surrounded with the most beautiful people of the universe. ♥

What's next? University wise I already submitted my request for a passive semester. I love studying but I hate the fact that I was in a hurry all semester. I'll slow down a bit. However this does not mean I'll stop. Ohh Lord nope! I have a tremendous amount of plans I wouldn't have time for within the limits of university. Slowly but surely I'll introduce them to y'all. :)

I am so genuinely excited about this year.

Can't believe I can finally let myself go.






Bonsoir.

I just wanted to give a signal that I'm still alive even though a bit tired, but very much alive.

Also I have so many thoughts about the things I should share with you: my job- aka. my love, my dreams, which i'm turning into realities, the people I met during the summer, all the adventures we took, the music I have listened, and the tremendous amount of movies I have watched.

And the list could go on.

But believe me, once I start the story telling the words will flow.

I can't wait the moment to finally pour it all out.

I find it funny how on my first year final exam I had to write an essay about writing. The topic was something like "only papers will listen". Well, to be exact, I didn't had to but I chose this one since I can relate to it, very much. Blogging is like a therapy session for me. Even when I don't have any friends on hand to discuss the things that are going on in my life I can just confidently share it with the world. Anonymity is a pretty big confidence-booster. Which is both amazing and sad at the same time.

For now let's just focus on the awesome parts of life. In what ways is your life great? What are the tings you are the most thankful for?

I'm thankful for this incredible, 5* dorm, I can live in. Don't misunderstand, it doesn't have even one star. Tho in my eyes, it's a place I'd give all the stars on the sky and I'm hoping so much I will be lucky enough to find a flat like this when I finish university.

I am, undeniably, thankful for the wifi connection. :D So I can keep in contact with my family and also entertain myself 'til my roommate arrives.

Besides all of that, I am thankful for life, just as it is right now.






Hello my gorgeous sunflowers! It's time for another post!

Originally I wanted to write about a totally different topic, but then this video happened.



After watching this I was in tears. The topic of body image, and comparing was and still is a consistent part of my life sadly. And I'm sure I'm  not alone.

All the things Lindy has said, couldn't be told better. This vid is 110% perfect. For this reason I don't even want to say much, just watch the video & share it. This message has to reach a lot of people. Because there are a lot of us who tend to think sadly about ourselves, for no reason.

Lindy, I just hope you know you deserve all the love you get -and even more. Never ever let the haters bring you down. You are perfect. I wish I could hug you right now. (Well, it's on my bucket list :))
My dear sweethearts, after so much waiting they returned.


The k-pop lovers would know what it is like to have a comeback after a pretty long hiatus. SHINee returned after 2 years with an amazing album - and I'm not being biased here. Therefore we would like them to win as much awards as possible.

So I'm calling all of you, music lovers. For kpop fans: it won't disappoint you, and i can guarantee 'View' will be your summer jam. For the people who are not really into this stuff: at least you try something different. :D The song has a deep house-y feel which is not far from Avicii and his friends so just give it a chance. :)

I'm thankful for even just one listen. However if you like it, don't forget to share~ :)


Much love,

Flora xx







Well... hello!

Or more like good evening and if you don't mind asking what are you doing at such a late hour? Chilling? If not then just do it, you totally deserve it. Take a little break from whatever you are doing, you deserve some calm time.

As for me, I don't really know...I just felt like writing would be nice. Especially after such a long time. I should definitely do this more often. Like back in the "old days" when I started this blog. Ooh! Let me mention, this happy place of mine turned 5 years old in April (10th...if I remember correctly. ???)  Amazing I have been doing this typing for myself but people actually reading stuff for quite a bit of time. So cheers or us!

    * I actually have a glass of wine next to me. Cool that I can "really" celebrate. Not like celebrating something/someone should definitely involve alcohol but oh well...* #somuchclass

The past one and almostahalf month  has been quite an eventful ride: one of my friends was able to visit me, here in Pest. (2 more to go.) I decided to award myself with an "official tour guide- aka you manage to show your friend famous places without getting lost" title. Because, my friends, I did it. And this takes me back in time, when I was only dreaming about living here and not being able to understand how people don't get lost on the subway and such obvious stuffs. A year later here I am, knowing most of Bp's twits & turns, confidently taking the rides, just like I've been living here for years. (Tho, I'm sure my crazy, happy go lucky attitude helps a lot.)

I also visited a place called Dühöngő - which is a rage room. I'm pretty sure it's more common abroad than here, since it's the only rage room we have here. That being said  written, we weren't quite sure what to expect. In the end we concluded it's definitely a story to tell, but they definitely should keep it improving. Also "we" since I went with a bunch of other girls, not knowing half of them - so I can also tell you, that it's a great "bonding" activity, since you let loose everything and you can just casually talk afterwards, during the "session". :D

In much peaceful but emotionally overwhelming news, I finished Misaeng. It's been a couple weeks since I saw the last episode, but I can relate to Jang Geure (the main character) on such a scary level that I'm sure the moral of the series will stay with me for a long time. Also, because I can't stop checking gifs on tumblr about it... In defense of little me, 90% of the script should be put in a gold frame- they are that true. Therefore, I don't want to forget it, no matter how many tears I'll shred in the future.






 



First of all I want to calm all those people who have read my previous post & happened to worry for me. It's okay guys, I'm building up myself again. ^_^

I really don't like sitting calmly, like I can't do anything, if something bad happens. So I talked to my friend - which helps you a LOT in crisis, so don't hesitate to share your problems with the person/people who are the closest to your heart. My friend told me to start looking for a job in a coffee shop - it seems so idyllic to work there (plus they like to employ university students).

  I think I always imagined myself like that - even when I came to Budapest for the first time. For some reason I didn't gave much time for this idea nor looked places like that up on the net. However this time I happened to search a little more about it. And guess what?!

I found an ad where they were looking for baristas. What's more it's no other café than Starbucks. Since I didn't have anything to loose I sent in my CV (that was the first time I had to write a CV btw) and hoped. I told myself to be patient, it may take some time for them (like a week or so) to call me but for my biggest surprise the girl called me a couple hours later. We agreed that I go in for an interview on a Friday. D-day came, I went, done the interview and that was it. The girl told me it will take some weeks to get a call from the company.

Weeks passed- no call. Also, I don't know why but as soon as I stepped out from the building I felt like I lost this match. That's why I decided to go to my current workplace's office and ask for a job. So I went to Széchenyi Bath last weekend - thank God I did! It was world water day on the 22nd so the pool had a variety of programs. Therefore I had the chance to get the BEST hand massage of my life.

2 days later my phone rang, with the girl's name on the screen. I totally thought she called me because she wanted to know if the company has called me back - nope. She told me that the company will hold a group interview on 3rd April and they are expecting me to go as well. First: I couldn't believe they called me back, second: what the heck will I have to do? I'm really excited at the same  time scared, since this will be my first official interview. And Starbucks won't apply just anyone.

At this point I really think it comes down to my horrible self esteem. I have never been praised for any kind of skills in my life (well apart from english but that in itself is not much...). I think if I would be hired I could show that I am capable of doing things that are a bit more complicated. Also it would really make me get my ish together, since I happen to be so ditzy it's crazy.

The main point of my story is: even if you feel like shit turned real you CAN do something against it in most cases. Just put some effort and go for it. You don't have much to loose and what if it'll be one of the greatest experiences of your life? Give it a chance. Don't be afraid to fall.
                                                   
                                                                 Let yourself fly. 





meaning: Do something or have or show qualities worthy of

Well... am i worthy enough? do i have such qualities? do i deserve anything that i have?

Life gives you tough lessons guys, but at this point i don't know... how can i still be alive? why am i alive? i see no point in doing this whole thing.

My biggest fear is becoming a burden for people. To have them struggle because of me. Because I am such an idiot i keep missing chances that could help. Wouldn't it be easier if i wouldn't exist?

They have no use of me. Because look at me. This shitty, worthless creature. What can I do?

These times i often think about the people who would be 10000 times worthier to live but they pass away. Why is God keeping me alive?

i feel like i keep on failing. Where does this kind of life lead? (if it leads anywhere...)

I wish i could lessen their problems but i'm just making thing worse.

i'm not learning any of the mistakes i've committed.

On the other hand, now I know why i don't want kids. i wouldn't want anybody to turn out like me. to be someone who has huge gifts and a great life all in all but just can't see it because of greediness. i always wanted more.

Whereas they are working extra hard to keep me alive. to educate me.

but educate what? i clearly don't have the brain for it. such a disappointment.

They don't deserve it. me. What did they do wrong to have a child like me?

or...did i save a country in my previous life to get this life?

For how long will i be able to continue doing this?

Better times will come, right?

It will worth it, right?

"I want to be so successful that one day my parents never have to buy a thing for themselves again."


I MADE IT TO MY TWENTIES!



Thank God, healthily ( ohh the amount of PE. classes I prayed through not to get injured!).

Also the amount of times I felt "now I definitely got lost, heck knows how will I make it alive." Tho it wouldn't be me, if the exact same case happened on this precious anniversary.

Yepp, my friends, I got stuck in Budapest on my birthday, fortunately with my friend. And y'all know it's always better to miss your last bus then end up stuck somewhere with someone else, so you won't feel so desperate and anxious and all that bad stuff, rather see it as a fun adventure.

The story: I booked two ticks for 50 shades of grey, 8.45pm screening. In the description it was written that it would end by 10.45pm, so I wasn't worried, 'cos in that case we would be able to reach our last bus. BUT they didn't include the 20 minutes long commercials before the movie starts so it finished after 11pm and I was sure we wouldn't be able to make it back. Fortunately my friend had some friends who live in the city so she called them & they kindly allowed us to sleep there. However, why would it be so simple to get there? They CLOSED the SUBWAY. I was so surprised, never knew they do something like this. Line 2 works just fine 24/7, why can't line 3? We knew that we could get there by bus, but that damn bus stop was SO HIDDEN, so I demand a friggin Nobel prize for finding it. Nonetheless we made it and were able to get some rest, tho no comments on my state during the day. I drank two cups of coffee, but felt extremely sleepy, to top it I have classes 'til 5.30pm that day, the only thing I was looking for was to be back at the dorm and get some rest.


By the end of the day, all of my tiredness managed to magically disappear, so I could have some fun time with my roommate. [ Whom I thank for worrying for me so much. ♥ Guys, she legitimately thought I got kidnapped. 😂]
 Ohh... shall I mention the movie too? :D 
Jamie Dornan is SO. HOT. [ That's my recommendation to all the single ladies out there, go watch it, if they want to see an effing handsome male in HD.]
The ending tho... 
I understand this movie is not everyone's cup of tea, but I believe sometimes you can afford something vicious & not hipster-y. Why judge those who enjoy it?  
However it has an amazing soundtrack! If not from the movie, than from this you'll pee our pants. (lol) 

   

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