Please do not judge me, i was just thinking...I'm sure everyone has crazy ideas when you're having bath. And I'm just confused...

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So here's Holy Week. This period is a little -i feel ashamed to say this,but it's the truth- 'weird' for me. I don't know why...It is since I can remember. Maybe it's not the perfect word for it. I can say also I'm 'afraid of' these few days, this time i often feel like i 'don't want these days to come'. I just want to find the answer why do i feel like this.

As you may know, may not i'm roman catholic. I'm religious. I was raised to be religious, my father brought me to church since I can remember. However I could never bear with these few days.

I don't know will God give an answer like: 'Then if you want to know the truth write a blogpost!' - but it can be He 's that modern and He told this to me...?

These answers came to my mind:      

1. I'm an Aquarius. Aquarius doesn't like to be forced to something. As I was very young when I started to go to church, I can remember I often don't wanted. *shame shame* T_T *God please forgive me but I was really young & young kids are so disobedient.* Maybe when I attended on my first Holy Week ceremonies, didn't know how to handle this situation/how to behave & it confused me. 
2. [It will sound strange, but as I'm an 'Eat-Pray-Love-maniac' it flashed across my mind.] Maybe these 3 days are to me like the Guru gita to Liz Gilbert. She had a very hard time singing/praying that book. Once she had a chat with Richard that stuck in my mind. Liz told him it's just so hard to sing that song & she's almost crying during that ceremony. Then Richard replied: 'Is it that good for your soul?' Maybe it's the same with me. Maybe God wants me to live these days very emotionally, to feel His pain. He suffered so much because our mistakes. If he wants me to suffer then I will.

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