Hello my beautiful stars!


These days I've been through a lot of stuffs. School started, we have to prepare for graduation already while doing our bests at home as well. It's pretty stressful, also I got some 'not-so-kind-words'. And it made my soul feel a bit heavy. Which gotten heavier.
...
Okay. I honestly feel like crying rives, or if not rivers than at least a little bit. However for i don't know what reasons I just can't. But I completely feel my body craves for it.
I would love to ask my little self why the heck is it not allowed to cry? Do you feel like you can bear with more like this? Just because I don't. At all.
Also I know I'm like a volcano at times like this and unfortunately I cannot predict when will I explode.

I just don't want to hurt anyone. I would love to make a little sign on me like: "please keep yourself away from me for a little while, just for your good". Anyway they will feel like I'm pushing them for the worst, when I just need some time to get myself together.

But to quote Bubbi: "Some days you just need to dance it out." I will try. Right after my big, hot, lovely bubble bath.


O. And I miss him.
I don't know how this happened, but before I haven't had any man in my life & now from a sudden I got two. They are from a different aspect, if you can get it. One as for boyfriend & one is my cousin. But I have to share my love of them... ugghh I'm afraid it sounds pompous.... I need both of them in my life & of course both wants to be loved - which wouldn't be a problem at all. The big thing is I never actually loved anyone that way before. To make it short: I suck at men. I don't even know how to behave around them, what's appropriate.

But for person 1: I miss him. Again, I don't know why, since I refused to date with him, but I definitely miss him.

For person 2: once he says why I forgot to send him a kiss, then he bites my head 'cos I send him a hug... That's why I told you I do not know how to love back. Like he is the sweetest child & of course I feel ashamed I cannot give back what he expects. Aiishh! I'm such a burden to everyone. I just want to shower him with love, 'cos he needs it & deserves every percent of it but I have no clue how to do that.
Wish he would know that. Also to know how much I adore & treasure him. ♥

«

»