I had horrible nightmares last night. I was running away from a woman whereas I didn't know her. I ran into the place's toilet to look for a hiding place & I was trying to open the last cabin but it was taken (I could see it clearly since the sign above the handle was red, but i kept trying). There was another unknown woman, who kept me telling to stop pulling/bending it & she told me to hide in the other cabin on the left. So finally I went in there, but my chaser was on the corner & I was so close to get caught. But the woman just went away without noticing me. Then I woke up. This was the last nightmare. I can't really remember the previous two. I remember in the second one I was at my grandparents' & felt betrayed by my mom cause she left me there without a word. Also it was raining. When I woke up I heard myself crying, not intense crying just a moan. I guess if I don't wake up, I start to cry in my dreams which will be shown in real life aka I will really cry. But as I could felt it was just a dream it was only a moan. I cannot  remember the first one at all. I only sense it was related to my dad.

It was really crazy & I assume if my heart rate would have been measured it would have been 200+. I felt my heart racing when I woke up, not to mention my head.

I checked a dream book what could these things mean. "Unableness/helplesness": this is because there feelings in me are against each other. I would like to do something but for some reason I cannot, I'm unable or if I would I would feel guilt.
There was also a scene when I was at my primary school's yard & I had to learn a dance. It had simple movements but I still couldn't do it. I felt disabled. The dream book says if I feel bad while I'm at my ex-school it could mean thoughtlessness, telling something I shouldn't. Messy yard means I'm awkward with my family, someone brings shame on me. Dancing means I'm reserved. Running, escaping signifies fatigue, if you run while you are scared means acute returning thoughts, bad memories.

The book doesn't say stupid things. There are things I wish to do but I cannot for some reasons, I don't know if I had said something I shouldn't, but I am thoughtless many times. I'm definitely awkward with my family. I really have a complicated relationship with them. Lately i feel even worse. I just can't be comfortable with anyone from my family. There's a thing that bugs me, but I don't think it would cause this huge weirdness feeling. I never thought about myself as a reserved person, but lately...yes i'm not really open. I just sit in front of the computer the whole day, not surprising i'm being more introvert than ever. The acute returning thoughts part is right as well.

I should probably do some meditation. I can feel my soul is at a really anxious state, I should treat myself better.

...also watch less mentalist, numb3rs etcetc before bed.... >.<

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