Okay, the title seems kind of drooly, but I feel like I can't contain my feelings anymore about this topic, so the best is if i write them out.


I always convinced myself I'm fine being single and 'til now I honestly thought this was true. However today when I woke up and thought back what I had dreamed, I remembered it was about me ending up with my friend's boyfriend. I don't know what, why & how because in real life I don't think that guy is attractive. Definitely not my type. Still I felt sooo happy when he hugged me in my dream. He gave a kiss on my neck and said something like he's happy i ended up with him.

Living 19 years without any kind of romantic relationship is not a help either. I don't know if I told you before, but til now I never ever had a boyfriend. The weird thing is I could have had if I wanted to, I just turned the guys down... I believe at the beginning I was shy but...there's one case that bugs me.

Last summer as I was working at the dairy farm and there was that guy. He asked me out and my foolish mouth said yes. KIDS THINK BEFORE YOU ACT! So we went on a date and I know that was only one occasion but we worked at the same place so I was hanging out with him quite a lot. At that time my heart was still insecure and I just didn't want to say yes to something I would not enjoy. So I quickly put a full stop at that thing. I thought about it countless times what could have been if I do agree to start a relationship and I won't lie, sometimes I really crave someone next to me. Not my craycray friends but that Him, who would hug me, whisper nice things to me, who would take me places/adventures I never imagined.


And that's the reason I decided to not to choose that guy. I just couldn't imagine him & me like that. Not to mention the previous people...I just hope I won't automatically turn down the real one if he comes because I'm afraid my 'system' is like this. lol... -.-'

Then how do I imagine to get a boyfriend if I'm always saying no? Through friendship. Like the guy doesn't automatically want something romantic, but rather we become friends & later if we both feel like that we can improve our relationship. Maybe it's because the lack of experience, but if the guy comes like 'let's go on a date' it'll scare me, I'll panic and for sure do the wrong stuffs. If we become friends first I don't have to cover up my flows, he will know what to expect, what am I in real life. He would know how to handle me, I would know how to handle him & since I know him I would also know I don't have to be afraid.

Does it sound foolish? Sorry but I just don't know what to do with this emptiness. >.< Shall I hug my Onew poster? :'D Oh bias, why can't you just come here & we could date happily~... >u<

Until no one comes I guess I'll give most of my love to kpop & my bias :'D And fellow single ladies who are on my situation: hang in there! I bet your prince charming will come too, he just got lost & too stubborn to ask for directions ;)

Much Love,

Flora xoxo ♥

Ps: June -as well as summer- is HERE! I wish all of you a love filled, dream coming true-ish summer ♥ :) ENJOY!

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