So the thing is... finals are over!




I'm leaving behind a really tough period of my life. This one and a half month was filled with a lot of negative thoughts including self doubt, panic and fear. And it was mostly my mistake. I didn't take my studies as seriously as I should have. Ever since I started working I surrendered everything to it, not noticing I have blossomed since then* (I guess it doesn't really make sense right now but I will clarify this sentence in another blog post). My schedule was like 2 days off a week, 5 days work. However on those 2 days I had classes. I did not think about you needed energy to go to the classroom and even just sit through 1.5 hour. That's how I started to miss classes more and more... in the end I barely went to school. But since they were lectures only and I had friends who would sign me up on the attendance sheet it was okay. Everything went downhill after the finals begun.

I was late with asking notes, therefore I was late with studying. Also the dates were crashing each other - I had exams following days one another, which is the most horrible thing possible: you prepare for one exam, succeed, but have no energy to prepare for the next one whatsoever because 1) you already studied yo' ass off 2) the joy of passing your previous exam makes you feel like you've done what the world demanded from you (or is it just me?).

So even though I tried, I kept failing my exams and passing just one subject is far from enough. That's how I ended up dragging this whole shit for the whole month of January.

I guess I don't have to tell you, when nothing turns out well, no matter how much effort you put in it, you start to doubt yourself. Why are you like this? Is there anything in your life you have done right? Are you really meant to be in this place? - all these nerve wrecking questions, on top of your basic problems. Lovely, ain't it? :)

I panicked. I have to meet a certain amounts of credits in order to not to drop out of uni, or not to slip to the category where I have to pay (tution -most of the time- is free here). A semester is anything but cheap, plus it's always better to be unemployed with a degree than without it (please don't take this sentence too seriously, but I hope you get what I mean).  

I feared. I was honestly living in the thought I screwed up my whole life. I already treated everything like it was done and sure. I lost the chance of getting a degree, was thinking about "sneaky" ways I could make sure I don't drop out. Remember: when in doubt just read the rules of university/school/whatever you are unsure about. I checked it with my mom a couple days ago and this is not just like you'll suddenly drop out.

In the end my exams turned out semi-fine: there are some that could have been better but all in all my grades are pretty good. I guess this is my rainbow after rain.


My sanity would love to thank to the amazing rays of sunshines who were with me and encouraged me through this incredibly dark month. I'm not lying when I say I'm surrounded with the most beautiful people of the universe. ♥

What's next? University wise I already submitted my request for a passive semester. I love studying but I hate the fact that I was in a hurry all semester. I'll slow down a bit. However this does not mean I'll stop. Ohh Lord nope! I have a tremendous amount of plans I wouldn't have time for within the limits of university. Slowly but surely I'll introduce them to y'all. :)

I am so genuinely excited about this year.

Can't believe I can finally let myself go.

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