I got to learn a couple years ago that "life is a roller coaster" and people can feel like "emotional roller coasters". In fact, planty of times have I felt the same way. But never to this extent. Or maybe I only imagine it to be more intense since for quite a while I classed myself as "depression-free" and happy. 

So the thing is... finals are over!




I'm leaving behind a really tough period of my life. This one and a half month was filled with a lot of negative thoughts including self doubt, panic and fear. And it was mostly my mistake. I didn't take my studies as seriously as I should have. Ever since I started working I surrendered everything to it, not noticing I have blossomed since then* (I guess it doesn't really make sense right now but I will clarify this sentence in another blog post). My schedule was like 2 days off a week, 5 days work. However on those 2 days I had classes. I did not think about you needed energy to go to the classroom and even just sit through 1.5 hour. That's how I started to miss classes more and more... in the end I barely went to school. But since they were lectures only and I had friends who would sign me up on the attendance sheet it was okay. Everything went downhill after the finals begun.

I was late with asking notes, therefore I was late with studying. Also the dates were crashing each other - I had exams following days one another, which is the most horrible thing possible: you prepare for one exam, succeed, but have no energy to prepare for the next one whatsoever because 1) you already studied yo' ass off 2) the joy of passing your previous exam makes you feel like you've done what the world demanded from you (or is it just me?).

So even though I tried, I kept failing my exams and passing just one subject is far from enough. That's how I ended up dragging this whole shit for the whole month of January.

I guess I don't have to tell you, when nothing turns out well, no matter how much effort you put in it, you start to doubt yourself. Why are you like this? Is there anything in your life you have done right? Are you really meant to be in this place? - all these nerve wrecking questions, on top of your basic problems. Lovely, ain't it? :)

I panicked. I have to meet a certain amounts of credits in order to not to drop out of uni, or not to slip to the category where I have to pay (tution -most of the time- is free here). A semester is anything but cheap, plus it's always better to be unemployed with a degree than without it (please don't take this sentence too seriously, but I hope you get what I mean).  

I feared. I was honestly living in the thought I screwed up my whole life. I already treated everything like it was done and sure. I lost the chance of getting a degree, was thinking about "sneaky" ways I could make sure I don't drop out. Remember: when in doubt just read the rules of university/school/whatever you are unsure about. I checked it with my mom a couple days ago and this is not just like you'll suddenly drop out.

In the end my exams turned out semi-fine: there are some that could have been better but all in all my grades are pretty good. I guess this is my rainbow after rain.


My sanity would love to thank to the amazing rays of sunshines who were with me and encouraged me through this incredibly dark month. I'm not lying when I say I'm surrounded with the most beautiful people of the universe. ♥

What's next? University wise I already submitted my request for a passive semester. I love studying but I hate the fact that I was in a hurry all semester. I'll slow down a bit. However this does not mean I'll stop. Ohh Lord nope! I have a tremendous amount of plans I wouldn't have time for within the limits of university. Slowly but surely I'll introduce them to y'all. :)

I am so genuinely excited about this year.

Can't believe I can finally let myself go.






Bonsoir.

I just wanted to give a signal that I'm still alive even though a bit tired, but very much alive.

Also I have so many thoughts about the things I should share with you: my job- aka. my love, my dreams, which i'm turning into realities, the people I met during the summer, all the adventures we took, the music I have listened, and the tremendous amount of movies I have watched.

And the list could go on.

But believe me, once I start the story telling the words will flow.

I can't wait the moment to finally pour it all out.

I find it funny how on my first year final exam I had to write an essay about writing. The topic was something like "only papers will listen". Well, to be exact, I didn't had to but I chose this one since I can relate to it, very much. Blogging is like a therapy session for me. Even when I don't have any friends on hand to discuss the things that are going on in my life I can just confidently share it with the world. Anonymity is a pretty big confidence-booster. Which is both amazing and sad at the same time.

For now let's just focus on the awesome parts of life. In what ways is your life great? What are the tings you are the most thankful for?

I'm thankful for this incredible, 5* dorm, I can live in. Don't misunderstand, it doesn't have even one star. Tho in my eyes, it's a place I'd give all the stars on the sky and I'm hoping so much I will be lucky enough to find a flat like this when I finish university.

I am, undeniably, thankful for the wifi connection. :D So I can keep in contact with my family and also entertain myself 'til my roommate arrives.

Besides all of that, I am thankful for life, just as it is right now.






Hello my gorgeous sunflowers! It's time for another post!

Originally I wanted to write about a totally different topic, but then this video happened.



After watching this I was in tears. The topic of body image, and comparing was and still is a consistent part of my life sadly. And I'm sure I'm  not alone.

All the things Lindy has said, couldn't be told better. This vid is 110% perfect. For this reason I don't even want to say much, just watch the video & share it. This message has to reach a lot of people. Because there are a lot of us who tend to think sadly about ourselves, for no reason.

Lindy, I just hope you know you deserve all the love you get -and even more. Never ever let the haters bring you down. You are perfect. I wish I could hug you right now. (Well, it's on my bucket list :))
My dear sweethearts, after so much waiting they returned.


The k-pop lovers would know what it is like to have a comeback after a pretty long hiatus. SHINee returned after 2 years with an amazing album - and I'm not being biased here. Therefore we would like them to win as much awards as possible.

So I'm calling all of you, music lovers. For kpop fans: it won't disappoint you, and i can guarantee 'View' will be your summer jam. For the people who are not really into this stuff: at least you try something different. :D The song has a deep house-y feel which is not far from Avicii and his friends so just give it a chance. :)

I'm thankful for even just one listen. However if you like it, don't forget to share~ :)


Much love,

Flora xx







Well... hello!

Or more like good evening and if you don't mind asking what are you doing at such a late hour? Chilling? If not then just do it, you totally deserve it. Take a little break from whatever you are doing, you deserve some calm time.

As for me, I don't really know...I just felt like writing would be nice. Especially after such a long time. I should definitely do this more often. Like back in the "old days" when I started this blog. Ooh! Let me mention, this happy place of mine turned 5 years old in April (10th...if I remember correctly. ???)  Amazing I have been doing this typing for myself but people actually reading stuff for quite a bit of time. So cheers or us!

    * I actually have a glass of wine next to me. Cool that I can "really" celebrate. Not like celebrating something/someone should definitely involve alcohol but oh well...* #somuchclass

The past one and almostahalf month  has been quite an eventful ride: one of my friends was able to visit me, here in Pest. (2 more to go.) I decided to award myself with an "official tour guide- aka you manage to show your friend famous places without getting lost" title. Because, my friends, I did it. And this takes me back in time, when I was only dreaming about living here and not being able to understand how people don't get lost on the subway and such obvious stuffs. A year later here I am, knowing most of Bp's twits & turns, confidently taking the rides, just like I've been living here for years. (Tho, I'm sure my crazy, happy go lucky attitude helps a lot.)

I also visited a place called Dühöngő - which is a rage room. I'm pretty sure it's more common abroad than here, since it's the only rage room we have here. That being said  written, we weren't quite sure what to expect. In the end we concluded it's definitely a story to tell, but they definitely should keep it improving. Also "we" since I went with a bunch of other girls, not knowing half of them - so I can also tell you, that it's a great "bonding" activity, since you let loose everything and you can just casually talk afterwards, during the "session". :D

In much peaceful but emotionally overwhelming news, I finished Misaeng. It's been a couple weeks since I saw the last episode, but I can relate to Jang Geure (the main character) on such a scary level that I'm sure the moral of the series will stay with me for a long time. Also, because I can't stop checking gifs on tumblr about it... In defense of little me, 90% of the script should be put in a gold frame- they are that true. Therefore, I don't want to forget it, no matter how many tears I'll shred in the future.






 



First of all I want to calm all those people who have read my previous post & happened to worry for me. It's okay guys, I'm building up myself again. ^_^

I really don't like sitting calmly, like I can't do anything, if something bad happens. So I talked to my friend - which helps you a LOT in crisis, so don't hesitate to share your problems with the person/people who are the closest to your heart. My friend told me to start looking for a job in a coffee shop - it seems so idyllic to work there (plus they like to employ university students).

  I think I always imagined myself like that - even when I came to Budapest for the first time. For some reason I didn't gave much time for this idea nor looked places like that up on the net. However this time I happened to search a little more about it. And guess what?!

I found an ad where they were looking for baristas. What's more it's no other café than Starbucks. Since I didn't have anything to loose I sent in my CV (that was the first time I had to write a CV btw) and hoped. I told myself to be patient, it may take some time for them (like a week or so) to call me but for my biggest surprise the girl called me a couple hours later. We agreed that I go in for an interview on a Friday. D-day came, I went, done the interview and that was it. The girl told me it will take some weeks to get a call from the company.

Weeks passed- no call. Also, I don't know why but as soon as I stepped out from the building I felt like I lost this match. That's why I decided to go to my current workplace's office and ask for a job. So I went to Széchenyi Bath last weekend - thank God I did! It was world water day on the 22nd so the pool had a variety of programs. Therefore I had the chance to get the BEST hand massage of my life.

2 days later my phone rang, with the girl's name on the screen. I totally thought she called me because she wanted to know if the company has called me back - nope. She told me that the company will hold a group interview on 3rd April and they are expecting me to go as well. First: I couldn't believe they called me back, second: what the heck will I have to do? I'm really excited at the same  time scared, since this will be my first official interview. And Starbucks won't apply just anyone.

At this point I really think it comes down to my horrible self esteem. I have never been praised for any kind of skills in my life (well apart from english but that in itself is not much...). I think if I would be hired I could show that I am capable of doing things that are a bit more complicated. Also it would really make me get my ish together, since I happen to be so ditzy it's crazy.

The main point of my story is: even if you feel like shit turned real you CAN do something against it in most cases. Just put some effort and go for it. You don't have much to loose and what if it'll be one of the greatest experiences of your life? Give it a chance. Don't be afraid to fall.
                                                   
                                                                 Let yourself fly. 





meaning: Do something or have or show qualities worthy of

Well... am i worthy enough? do i have such qualities? do i deserve anything that i have?

Life gives you tough lessons guys, but at this point i don't know... how can i still be alive? why am i alive? i see no point in doing this whole thing.

My biggest fear is becoming a burden for people. To have them struggle because of me. Because I am such an idiot i keep missing chances that could help. Wouldn't it be easier if i wouldn't exist?

They have no use of me. Because look at me. This shitty, worthless creature. What can I do?

These times i often think about the people who would be 10000 times worthier to live but they pass away. Why is God keeping me alive?

i feel like i keep on failing. Where does this kind of life lead? (if it leads anywhere...)

I wish i could lessen their problems but i'm just making thing worse.

i'm not learning any of the mistakes i've committed.

On the other hand, now I know why i don't want kids. i wouldn't want anybody to turn out like me. to be someone who has huge gifts and a great life all in all but just can't see it because of greediness. i always wanted more.

Whereas they are working extra hard to keep me alive. to educate me.

but educate what? i clearly don't have the brain for it. such a disappointment.

They don't deserve it. me. What did they do wrong to have a child like me?

or...did i save a country in my previous life to get this life?

For how long will i be able to continue doing this?

Better times will come, right?

It will worth it, right?

"I want to be so successful that one day my parents never have to buy a thing for themselves again."


I MADE IT TO MY TWENTIES!



Thank God, healthily ( ohh the amount of PE. classes I prayed through not to get injured!).

Also the amount of times I felt "now I definitely got lost, heck knows how will I make it alive." Tho it wouldn't be me, if the exact same case happened on this precious anniversary.

Yepp, my friends, I got stuck in Budapest on my birthday, fortunately with my friend. And y'all know it's always better to miss your last bus then end up stuck somewhere with someone else, so you won't feel so desperate and anxious and all that bad stuff, rather see it as a fun adventure.

The story: I booked two ticks for 50 shades of grey, 8.45pm screening. In the description it was written that it would end by 10.45pm, so I wasn't worried, 'cos in that case we would be able to reach our last bus. BUT they didn't include the 20 minutes long commercials before the movie starts so it finished after 11pm and I was sure we wouldn't be able to make it back. Fortunately my friend had some friends who live in the city so she called them & they kindly allowed us to sleep there. However, why would it be so simple to get there? They CLOSED the SUBWAY. I was so surprised, never knew they do something like this. Line 2 works just fine 24/7, why can't line 3? We knew that we could get there by bus, but that damn bus stop was SO HIDDEN, so I demand a friggin Nobel prize for finding it. Nonetheless we made it and were able to get some rest, tho no comments on my state during the day. I drank two cups of coffee, but felt extremely sleepy, to top it I have classes 'til 5.30pm that day, the only thing I was looking for was to be back at the dorm and get some rest.


By the end of the day, all of my tiredness managed to magically disappear, so I could have some fun time with my roommate. [ Whom I thank for worrying for me so much. ♥ Guys, she legitimately thought I got kidnapped. 😂]
 Ohh... shall I mention the movie too? :D 
Jamie Dornan is SO. HOT. [ That's my recommendation to all the single ladies out there, go watch it, if they want to see an effing handsome male in HD.]
The ending tho... 
I understand this movie is not everyone's cup of tea, but I believe sometimes you can afford something vicious & not hipster-y. Why judge those who enjoy it?  
However it has an amazing soundtrack! If not from the movie, than from this you'll pee our pants. (lol) 

   

Hello little stars!

It's been a few weeks since my last post & I said I would update you BUT.

You know there are times when things just won't turn out the way you want? That has happened to me as well.

I wanted to work, I wanted to visit a dog shelter since I had been missing my little one so much ( also I've never been one before), I wanted to chill a bit with my friends...I had all these wonderful plans, however they weren't happening. I had to wait for my student card's sticker so I wasn't able to move out, 'cos that would have been "illegal-ish" (& the last thing I wanted is to get a fine). The guy from my work office wasn't calling and I was at the end of my money so I couldn't really afford to go out with friends either.

My aunt wasn't feeling on top either so I kinda felt like I was a burden to her, which is my biggest fear to lives as; so the best solution I had was going home with my family after they came to "use" their Christmas present.

I don't think I mentioned this to you before, but I gave my parents & my brother tickets to the comedy theater called Dumaszínház. We are pretty big  fans of the humorists who preform there, so I thought it'd be great to surprise them with something like this. We were sitting in the first row, so it was great, tho the room we were in was quite stuffed since it's organized like a restaurant and there were more than 50 tables for a relatively small place, however it wasn't blocking us to enjoy the gagmen's performance. It was pretty long also, meaning they weren't mean with the performance time and I was glad to see them having fun, while myself having fun as well.

Tho there was a period where I felt a bit sad. As I mentioned the room was arranged as a restaurant, meaning you could order food & have a niche dinner while enjoying the performance. It's not an overpriced place but it's not something we were able to afford either. Considering how much it cost for my family to come up could be enough for them already. And I felt like, only if I haven't been so mean, or better to say I'd have been more prospective, I could have been able to treat them for a dinner as well... I guess that's how you learn what well-spending means.

Apart from that we had a fun time & for sure next time I'll be able to say: choose which one you please.

As for the exam period: GOOD LORD I book it as a big fail even though I managed to pass most of my exams somehow but I SUFFERED. For real. And I TOTALLY TOTALLY deserved it. I had to realize university is not something you can pass just like that, now you have to know all this ish for real. Majority of my 1st semester's subject had nothing to do with my major  which is English so maybe that's why I didn't take it seriously. . . ?

But for one and all I learnt my lesson. NEVER AGAIN such stupid thing as leaving everything for the last but one minute.

For the time spent at home: I really, honestly enjoyed it. I thought I would be out of my mind & looking forward to return to the dorm, but I felt so good at home, for the first time a gazillion years! Seems like by the end of my teen years I learn to appreciate family, like everything falls into its place on a giant jigsaw where I never found my place before.

And this is a beautiful last sentence for my last day as a "teen". Tomorrow I'm turning 20 and I gonna enjoy this little time what's left with one of my friend by watching 50 shades of Grey.

See you in my twenties!

Lot's of love,

Flora :) 





Hello blogger world, i am back!

It has literally been  months since i wrote. One the other hand, i learned a lot.

I learned why people complain about finals. I totally know the meaning of it. Also thanks to the exams i had to study a LOT. Nonstop. And even like this i feel like i studied a lot less than i should have.

I hope your winter holiday was awesome! :)

Mine was quite good, tho towards the end i was under so much pressure since it's just absolutely impossible to study at home. I couldn't wait to return to the dorm and do some REAL studying in order to not to fail all of my exams.

For New Year's Eve I didn't do much. Stayed in as usual invited Helga to us & had some nice chats :) But that's what made it great! It had been a while since we met & had a bunch of things to catch up on. Can't wait for her to start uni next September. Hopefully in Pest, so we can meet a lot more often.
[ And party a lot together. lol. not like i would be a party animal...]

BUT! We have been talking about her visiting me since forever, and it seems like it will happen finally! We will celebrate my 20th birthday in the heart of the country only together FINALLY! No parents, no boring village, YESS! :D

Hopefully we can have a girls-only shoppingful weekend for the first time in our lives. Like we've legit waited 20 years for this to happen. :D

For now, i'm waiting for the test results, tomorrow temporarily i'm moving in to my aunt's flat, so i can work [more than 2 days a month] and have loads of ideas on my mind i wish to complete.

So keep checking! Updates will be coming! :)




I held the film club in the dorm a couple days ago & the film I chose was of course no other than Eat Pray Love.



I love that movie because I can associate with Elizabeth so well. I can totally understand her feelings. Not to mention I felt like her at least a hundred times.

Also the quotes.

There's so much truth in this movie. For now I picked the line above. Liz is at the Augusteum when she thinks about the effects of ruin.

The reason is because my friend is currently passing a really hard time of her life. But I think her story can help you, dear reader.

As you know, we started university this September. She did too. Got accepted to the university she chose with her dad. That university is only an hour away from our hometown, but she decided to rant a dorm room with one of her 'friends' 'cos it's still pretty tiring to live a commuting lifestyle.
It has been 3 months we started. Despite the distance, we kept in contact & talked often. Through all that 3 months I can tell you, I never heard a positive word from her. She was full of sadness. She was living the life, I lived during high school. You know the saying "your university years are the best years of your life". It was clearly not working out for her. Meanwhile another friend of ours and I were having the time of our lives while she was suffering so much.


One day I went to Buda castle with my aunt and the studying topic came up. As a Hungarian, what we can see is that our country has a pretty effed up school system. There's too much stress and pressure which leads to depression and let's not continue... I could totally feel the same at my friends case. I felt like if she doesn't stop or at least changes something, she will end up like that.

I felt really bad, I wanted to support her, but since we were so far I couldn't be next to her and I wasn't sure what I say is the right thing either.
So when one weekend she said she will quit university I was extremely surprised. I know her parents, I know her father is like mine. Let me tell you my dad would rip my head off if I would quit uni. At least yell. That's why it was a pretty huge step to make. And she made it. Her mom supported her from the beginning, but her dad...

I can understand tho. Maybe he had an imagination about his daughter that she would be like a way he imagined. Maybe he panicked, since in that moment your daughter says she wants to quit uni no  one can see clearly. However he happened to accept it.

So as I am writing this post my friend is already free, looking froward to next September to start it anew at another place. This time at the university & the course she wants.

Her intention was to stay as close to her parents as it's possible, so she chose a course she would never had if she chooses what she wants. Not to mention she had a pretty hard time living with that 'friend' as well.

I just want to encourage you to dare to risk. Dare to dream and dare to make that dream happen.
Maybe in the beginning you are afraid, but believe me, it will disappear.

Dear friend, I know what you have been through. You feel like your life is in pieces and you're clueless how to put it back together. Don't worry, just live the life you've imagined. Don't let anyone stop you. Because the ruin you have survived, is a gift.







Hello my little rabbits~! ^^

Crazy times I'm living right now. It gets dark early, also it gets colder by every day since we're getting closer to winter -which little me does not really like. However we're lucky, we can have some last bits of awesome weather, tho i'm not sure if it's really the last. Ohh climate change! (lol)

In the autumn holiday I managed to meet my friends. One of them especially needs support, since she's gone through a tough phase of her life. I sincerely hope she will be able to enjoy life just as much if not more now. Please pray for her! If someone, she really deserves an awesome life.

On another note, I'm climbing mountains and breaking walls for my papers. I managed to screw up the deadline and people one advice: DO NOT SCREW IT UP! It's so much harder to correct these things afterwards than do it on time. I'm so angry at my lazy ass. >.<

Also this time I really must arrange/find a job, since I'M GOING TO ITALY! So I must make some money in order to be able to pay the trip and not bother my parents with it.

But I'm doing fine ^.^ Hope you're too!

Last night I found such an awesome mix on 8tracks, it fits autumn so well~

But for now here's a J rabbit song for ya. :) I love her as well & the meaning of this song is just so adorable~!

Enjoy!

Címkék: Christian Louboutin, fashion, Marie Todd, Mason by Michelle Mason, polyvore, Sophie Hulme, style

HEEYY!

It has been ages I know. It's not that university is tiring -'cos in fact compared to my 'previous' life, this is HEAVEN (with full capitals yeah), but there were some technical problems (my laptop went wrong) aand...i still have to study some..soo yepp. That's it basically. D: :D

As I said before, I really enjoy being a uni student. Funfunfun! Of course not each and every day, I can get bored, but I really enjoy being bored too. On the other hand I feel like, I'm sneaking out of that 'previous life', leaving everything just as it was behind, and it somewhat makes me feel bad. Obviously I can't bring my little 토끼 here & my parents look after him and it feels wrong since he's my little piglet.  // And when I get home they automatically basically  "throw" him on me. Like this past weekend.

I felt like I did nothing apart from taking him on walks. Also my parents use a different technique at raising him; to be concrete: the technique of taking him on way longer walks then he should be taken. I don't know they think he will stay calm longer, but I can't notice the difference whatsoever. So my weekend consisted of dog walking, dog walking AND more dog walking. ... -.-... 

Honestly I couldn't wait to get back here. In that past 3-4 days I was NOT able to have a good sleep, since Dobu would wake me up at 6am. I got that 'bad feeling' as well. 

The good thing is finally I have somewhere to go to. To get away from it all.  (I learned this collocation on today's language development class- comes in handy.) 

But then how did I imagine having a dog? I thought we would work together as a team. As a family. Looking back, now I feel stupid. What is family? I don't know. The bad thing is, when I arrive & leave, they're all like 'big hugs and pretty words' but what happens between that time? No wonder I feel so distanced from them. I'm totally awkward when I see another family (eg: my cousins') who are all so much love and all. And there's me, mom and dad. I can't imagine interacting with them like that at all. 

Yeey for my happy life! We have our occasional good days too, but...occasional only. 

But going back to happy topics! :D 

My dearest little friend, Helga is coming up for weekend! Gonna slay in the city! ;) I'm really looking forward to it, since it's an event we've been planning since we left high school. :) After that week, Kate comes up to visit (maybe with his brother, maybe not lol). So it's gonna be amazing (hopefully)! ^_^

Until then I have some tests to write & classes to prepare, so I'll wrap it up here. 

Oohh! Attention! I ended up joining tumblr world: free feel to follow (I grant you a followback, if you post actively :} ) http://dreamwithflora.tumblr.com/ 

Love you all! Post to you soon! :D 

   xoxo Flora







I assume you can conclude from the title that I have moved in my new home for the next couple of months/years -depends on how you watch it. Indeed. And it still feels so comfy. I cannot tell how glad I am.

I moved in on the 7th but then there were a lot less people since it was still summer break for the others. On the 9th-10th we had freshman camp then we went back to our original home. I guess from now on you'll meet this expression quite a lot. I hope at least. Because if I can call the dorm home that means I'm fine & happy living here. For now, that's how I feel.

When we came back it was a bit unusual since most of the girls have moved in my that time. Also I didn't have any dorm-experience.

Please let me tell you how it feels like (if by any chance you are thinking about choosing a dorm or renting a flat): it's totally the same. The only difference is that there are more people here than in a flat. Like a share-house. Which I dreamed of trying -and there it comes!



Of course these 2 days were only the beginning- we still need time to bond but honestly, I already feel totally cool with my roommates.

The uni is awesome as well. 'Til now I successfully avoided the arrogant kind of teachers. Some lecture classes -i can predict- won't be really interesting, however my practice classes are with great teachers. Cheers for that!

To conclude I'm truly glad I chose PPKE. Looking forward to the adventures!

For now it's sleep time~!

Write to you soon,

Flora xoxo





I feel incredibly heartbroken right now. If you are a part of kpop fandom, then I guess you've heard about Ladies' Code's accident, where member Eunbi lost her life.

I don't really know the band but this still breaks my heart. She was so young, making her dream come true. To think about it just a day ago she woke up & performed just as she did but now she can't anymore... Makes me realize even more how fragile life is. One moment you live your dream and there comes an accident and your heart stops beating.


I love you ♥ Take care!

xoxo 


*Edit: sadly I have to add Rise to the victims. She fought hard until she could, but unfortunately couldn't make it back to life. Rest in peace little fighter and please take care of Eunbi. ♥




Hey everyone! How are ya doing? :)


School has here just begun. At least for elementary and high schoolers. As for me, I still have this week until I move to the dorm & the other week, which will be basically just a get to know campus & the city thing. (Also I have high hopes that I'll be able to go to the capital city and meet my relatives. :D )

But. The fact is September is here. Technically it's still not autumn yet but with the start of school it's not even summer anymore. // Tho I really appreciate the last minute awesome weather. :3 //

I really hope you had an amazing, eventful summer.

Little me managed to go to a concert with my cousin, Kate. (Btw the title refers to this part. If you are not familiar with hangul, I'll tell you it says 'festival' ;) )


Stay safe! I love you xoxo 

Flora


I really wanted to write a happier post, but I just gained an experience I thought I'll be sharing because I feel like if I don't do, it will  bother me even for a longer time and it seriously is a huge stone on my heart.

What happened was, I took Dobu for an afternoon walk as we do it every day. I guess I chose the very wrong street for today's walkie. I prefer to avoid that street, the further I am, the better,'cos it's full of dogs. I don't know what kind of area you live in dear reader, but this is an INSANE place. (If your home is at a street where most of the dogs don't give an ish about whether you are walking your furry friend or not, I unexpressably envy you.) Where I live, no dog stays calm if I go out with my potato. And that happened today. The dogs were crazy and I tried to get Dobu out of that hella big mess when a woman stopped me and she said things that I just stood there, not even able to blink because what she said was the epitome of bullshit.

First off, she left the gate open -side note: she has a pekingese & a taller dog, unleashed, so those dogs could've freely bit me - then she was like: would you take your dog to the football field next time? 'Cos it's not the first time you are doing this, and it really bothers my dogs. The bigger one is stepping on the smaller and anyway what if I let them out?

My dear visitor, you read it right. She can let them out. On the street. WHAT THE EFFISH? Is the street hers or what? I was walking my dog, totally properly, which means he had a leash and a harness on. He was not free, nor went close to her dogs. As far as I know, every person has the right to take their dog for a walk anywhere they want if they are well 'equipped'. I was not on her territory, and I really am sorry for her dogs not being able to bear each other if they see another one.

I quickly said sorry and got out of there as fast as I could. And there I was. Crying. This day has been an emotional roller coaster anyway for me so all the pressure & stress that was in me just came out. I was sobbing so terribly, if anyone saw me probably thought I'm not normal, but I just couldn't keep it in.

I felt so bad. I felt if I was the worst person in the world. I blamed myself so hard, than probably never ever in my life. I felt I was a horrible person because I let my dog go on that street, like it would have been a legit sin. I felt like the whole world (at least the street for sure) hated me.

I love my parents. Especially when they don't understand me. And that happens a LOT of times. As I arrived home they asked what happened. I tried to tell them the most understandable way I could but what I got back made me feel even worse (whereas I already felt like I'm at the bottom of hell). They basically told me that what she said was really stupid and I have every right to take my dog for a walk there. However then mom asked why did I take Dobu there and honestly I was extremely confused. A couple days ago we were walking our doggie on the neighborhood street and the madness is similar. Mom then said if the people are mad because the dogs bark then they are not normal. So in the spirit of this sentence I let my dog go where the heck he wanted.

Can you follow me? I'm kind of lost too. Then dad was like, yeah you should tell him where you want to go, but when they take Dobu they're always like 'I went where he wanted.'

So this made such a huge madness in me, that I just wanted to get out of this world. Maybe I was overreacting but this can kill me. Once people say this, than that. In the end whatever I do is wrong.

I feel bad for being wrong. I don't know what to do...

Maybe I should just listen to myself in the future.

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